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My Project Runway Semi-Finalist Experience

4/20/2017

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If you hadn't heard, I applied to Project Runway for the second time this year! Yay! I applied last year and didn't make it through to the next round, but this year I received an email of congratulations three days after I submitted my application. Needless to say I was so excited. Lots of young designers aspire to get onto the design competition show, Project Runway, and that day I felt just a lick closer to that dream. 

Its funny how things turn out despite things standing in your way. Last year, I had a stable income, was living at home with my parents, and had a months notice to submit the tediously long application, portfolio, and video. This year I hadn't even thought about applying, because I was planning to stay in Istanbul for the whole year. Because of the violence and my health getting bad, I came back early. I got an email from the casting people saying there was ten days left to apply, my brain kicked into panic mode!

I already had lots of professional photographs taken (thanks Steve, Tim, Sue, and Emajhn) over this past year, all I needed was a video. I snagged some help from a willing friend, borrowed my dad's ancient video camera, and headed to downtown Detroit to shoot the film. It was quick, raw, and real. I had fun shooting it and I think you can tell. Watch the video and tell me what you think! 
The email told me that on Friday, April 14th I was to come to the James Hotel in Chicago for an interview at 2:45. I rented a motel the night before outside the city, and drove in early that day to scout the place out. I got to the hotel right on time, and was shown to a lobby where there were other designers with their racks of clothes. I walked in with my garment bag slung over my shoulder with a confident stride, and started hanging up my garments. I felt proud that for the first time in my life, I wasn't comparing myself to anyone, and felt secure and happy with the work I was presenting.

I was actually the last person to be interviewed, and they had been running late. It was about an hour past when I was originally supposed to be seen, but I didn't mind. I was having fun talking to all the other designers, there were three I met from Michigan. Two female twins caught my eye- one feminine girl with long brown hair, and the other a rocker girl with a shaved head. They both sported bright pink lips and septum piercings. 

When it was my time, I walked in already knowing who the judges were, I had scouted it out by asking the other designers. I knew that in the middle was my idol, the designer Mondo Guerra who was a runner-up on Season 8 of Project Runway. I had seen him back in the day and was in awe of his pattern mixing abilities. He was the one who inspired me to have confidence in my pattern mixing and was instrumental in shaping a big part of my design aesthetic to this day. Needless to say my heart was pounding and I was laser focused on not screwing up anything. I walked in there with good posture and my head high. 

It was a huge room. I looked around as I wheeled my metal clothing rack onto the tape spot marked on the carpet. I was supposed to stand in one spot but I walked forward and shook first a woman's hand, then Mr. Guerra himself, then another woman. I had the opportunity to shake his hand, and said "Big fan". That, by itself, made the trip for me. While I was presenting my work, he smiled and nodded, and was just as nice as he always seemed on T.V. When I was done, the three judges had nothing but positive words to say about me and my work. Mondo said I seemed fearless, and that I would intimidate contestants on the show. I took that as a huge compliment. The point all three judges could agree on was that I was young. Young and determined, but still a fresh designer. That weekend was amazing, but that evening after my interview I was called back and they wished me good luck for applying next year. 
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Even though I didn't make it in, I still felt this un-penetrable high, a drive, a thirst that can't ever get quenched. I thought that maybe I was meant to struggle to build this business from the ground up, like most people have to. Getting onto T.V would make it too easy. The grind, the struggle, and the failures all teach me important lessons. I'd like to personally thank the three judges for saying no to me, because you re-lit my flame and gave me a goal for next year. I'm coming for you, you haven't seen the last of me for sure. 

COMMENT: How do you hustle for your passions? You got any awesome small business tips to share? 

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How to get into the Fashion Industry as a Self-Taught Artist 

4/6/2017

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1. It sounds corny, but just do it!
Seriously, just start making shit. Literally anything. The more you make, the more materials you experiment with, and the more often you do it, the better! When I was a little pre-teen and growing out of my doll phase, I refused to give them away just so that I would have an excuse to sew them new outfits. Doll clothes by hand turned into a handful of garments sloppily thrown together, but still people-sized, made on my mother's old metal Riccar sewing machine. The first fashion show I was ever in, 2013 EMU Fashion Week, was the first time I even came close to attempting to make a collection or more than a few mismatched items. Looking back at my work, I cringe. Nothing was cohesive, and my construction was awful. I think every artist is critical of their work in this way, but I can look back now with pride because I jumped into it headfirst and without fear. Fearlessness will produce results every time.


2. Don't be afraid to fail, because failure is a fake concept.
I am almost entirely type A. I get it from my dad. I love to produce results, and hate to fail. That fear of failure has held me back in the past, but no more. I learned to let it go, and since I did that I have been seeing such amazing, positive, results! Yes, I did fail more, but according to the law of probability, for every time you fail there is a chance you will succeed. So, with that logic, the more you fail the more likely you are to succeed! I throw myself into situations I am not prepared for, just to see how hard I can fail. I ''failed'' every time I tried to draft a sleeve pattern. It just kept pinching in the shoulders, or being too bulky. I failed and failed until one day, I didn't, and I just GOT IT in a way that no lesson or teacher could give me, and only failure could. With that new skill of drafting sleeve patterns I went on to design (and get paid for) three custom wedding looks, and counting.


3. Make friends with people who have similar interests and goals
This may go without saying, but I think it is relevant, because I wish someone had encouraged me to do this earlier on. I had great friends in high school, but I was the only one with such big aspirations or with a career that was seen as “gutsy” or “outside the norm”. I kind of kept my art in my own world, and didn't even invite people to my runway shows in the beginning. I am thankful for that in retrospect because I was able to develop my art voice without influence, however I think it is also good to have pride in your work and involve your family/loved ones. If they are not as excited as you'd hope, go to networking events and meet ups to find people who think like you.


4. COLLABORATE WITH EVERYONE!
Once you make a connection, and you feel like the gesture would be welcome, offer to do a collaboration. For example, Leah Vernon is a body-positive fashion blogger in Detroit who I didn't know that well until recently. We had seen each other and heard about each other, but without a connection, its hard to form a friendship. I reached out to her and offered to design a dress for her from scratch, and do a photo shoot for both our blogs. We had lots of fun together, and that is why we are friends to this day. Another example of a collaboration is a friend of a friend of mine, Jeremy, who hand-paints textiles. That is something I have always wanted to get into, and he already does it and is good at it. He is making me fabric, I am sewing him a cool outfit, and we both get cool representation from the other. Its all about using people's strengths to supplement your weaknesses and vice-versa. Help and work with people from the get-go, and they will be more likely to befriend and help you in return.


5. Research other designers, but don't over do it.
The one thing I can be thankful for about not going to fashion school is that my head is free of any outside influence. It is a well-known phenomenon among creatives that when they love someone's work, their own work started to emulate it. That's okay, because art is all appropriation from each other anyway. However, if you are constantly looking at other people, you won't have the creative space in your brain to make your own ideas. I experienced this when I first got on Pinterest, I kept pinning and obsessing over fashion, and then I wondered why I couldn't come up with new ideas. Now, I make a conscious effort to put social media/internet away when I'm in design mode, so I have nothing to interfere with my train of thought.


6. If you don't wear your clothes, no one else will either
Back in the day, when I first started designing, I approached it like the visual artist that I am. I figured I was sending these designs down the runway, each one should be unique, over the top, and like a walking piece of art. It should get a reaction, and people may not understand it. That's all good and dandy, if you are dressing Lady Gaga. For a designer who aspires to sell their work in stores and to real people, like I do, making the designs wearable is pertinent. I used to never wear my designs, because they were too over the top and crazy. Over time I refined my look, and made it more approachable to common people. Now I make sure that I sport my own designs to the grocery store, out for a meal, and especially to all networking events. You are your own billboard. I have more fans and clients than ever, because they see how much I love my own work.


7. There is no wrong way to promote your brand
There really isn't, except violent/vulgar things, of course. I used to think that the only way to get the word out about my fashion is by creating and showcasing collections at runway shows, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Everyone wears clothes, so everyone is a candidate to rep your work. The world is your runway. Wearing your own clothes, and having everyone you know wear your clothes is the best and easiest way. Beauty/fashion/lifestyle bloggers across the internet LOVE to get clothes to try on and get cool pictures in, offer to send them an outfit for a week. Musicians are great candidates too, get some to wear your shit during one of their shows. Youtube stars who make videos that align with your brand vision are also great candidates. Generally speaking, anyone with any type of publicity, or who is from/influences your target demographic, should be wearing your clothes. If you can make that happen, the publicity will come on its own.


8. Have a vision, but recognize that it can and will evolve over time
Those who remember my old work remember I used to call my brand “Lady Liberty”. I started with that concept with the tag line “Lady Liberty seeks to liberate women from standards of beauty set by society”. Not super complicated, but I stuck with it for a while. After coming out as bi-sexual to my close friends last year, I started to embrace my androgynous style that always made me different than other girls. I realized that I wanted to dress men, women, and everyone in between. I recognized that my brand was in fact me, so I named it Lena Harbali: Design and Blog. Now, my vision is to create a brand that is inclusive to ALL people, regardless of shape, color, size, gender, or sexuality. My new slogan is “Socially conscious designs that rebel against the System”. I had no effing clue what I was doing when I started. Now, I feel so proud of how far I have come, and how I was able to fully pinpoint my purpose. Having a clear purpose will help your vision, so work on defining WHY you do things, and then the HOW will come later.


9. Remember that it's not about the money, but it really is.
2016 was the first year I made real money off my design work. It wasn't much, but getting any kind of profit as a new independent business is a huge accomplishment. Ironically, 2016 was also the year that I decided to stop pursuing fashion shows. One would think that would have negatively effected my business. I started focusing instead on creating a great brand and product to boost sales. Whatever I did must have worked, because I am making money doing what I love. At the end of the day, if no one is paying me to do design work, I will have to get paid doing something else, because everyone needs money to live. Getting a second job cuts into my art time, which then makes it harder to get art out to the masses. With this logic, asking for money for your work is not being greedy, it is knowing your value and demanding it from the world. Just like lawyers and doctors get paid for their services, artists should too. Your followers will appreciate the fact that you are consistent in creating new art for their enjoyment. Not asking for money is letting everyone down.


10. Don't EVER let anyone be a hater and bring you down
This one is huge for me. I was a victim of bullying from 8th to 9th grade (read my story and how I overcame it here). That experience really hurt my confidence, especially regarding my art. I remember bringing in some of my designs and the girls saying that it looked like Grandma clothes. Back then, I felt the sting. Now, I shrug it off. I had haters back when I barely knew how to sew, and I have even more haters now that I actually know what I'm doing and can create amazing, incredible work! Funny, right? The more talented you are, the more jealous people will be, and the more they will try to tear you down. As an artist, its even harder to be understood, because we are often speaking in visual rather than vocal words. People often don't appreciate art, and will insult it or dismiss it because of their confusion. Don't let their ignorance, opinions, words of discouragement, or any other negative energies infiltrate your heart and mind. Kick those haters straight out of your life! Here's how. They are them, you are you, and you are awesome! All it takes is for you to believe in your work, and the bullies can never get under your skin.
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COMMENT BELOW!
Are you or someone you know a self-taught artist? How did you or your friend build success without training? What are some ways we get get skills training without traditional school? What is one of the coolest collaboration and promotion ideas you have?
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My Bullying Story 

3/26/2017

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Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend the first Anti-Bullying Workshop organized by Trendsetter's Productions Modeling and Etiquette School. The owner, Tracy Palmer, has been running the school for over three years in the Flint area. I met her back in 2013 when I designed a collection and showed it at one of her runway shows. Back then I was pretty fresh into the fashion scene, it was only my third show. What struck me back then was how she combined fashion with community and social activism. Her focus these days is on reducing bullying not only in schools, but across the board. She experienced bullying growing up, and so did a few of her children, so the cause hits close to home. Tracy's goal is to show people going through bullying now that there is hope for the future, and to give them practical tools to cope. The unique aspect to her approach is that she doesn't only focus on healing the bully victim, but also on engaging the entire community to help prevent people from becoming bullies in the first place. This method treats the bully as a human being, and with compassion, rather than blind punishments. Seeing the bully as a person with a past history can help us understand what caused them to end up hurting other people.

When I first arrived, Tracy was reading out some statistics about bullying. The first shocked me: Michigan is number one in bullying across the country! The second was even more shocking: suicide is the leading cause of death of youth between the ages of 10 and 24. This results in approximately 4,400 lives lost each year because of bullying. Hearing this really effected me, because I could have been one of those numbers. After I left the workshop I felt very inspired to share my bullying story, so that hopefully someone can gain some useful insight or a new perspective.

Not many people know this about me, but I was bullied to the point of being suicidal during 8th and 9th grade. Because of my depression, I attempted suicide three times. The only thing that stopped me was thinking how much it would scar my four younger siblings if their older sister they looked up to suddenly killed herself. Just thinking about it gets me upset, even though I haven't felt depression in years. My bullying story is pretty typical: I moved to a new school, where many of the students had known each other since grade school. In retrospect, its clear they felt threatened by the 'new girl' who was artistic, smart, and taller than everyone there. I can say that now with confidence, but back then, the bullying consumed my entire world.

Through my school years, I had always been the 'good kid', did well in class, and got along with my peers. It wasn't until the bullying that things started to change. Because of the bullying and depression, I developed anger issues that got me into trouble with the teachers. It was infuriating to me that the teachers always trusted the bullies' word over mine because I was an outsider. Every time an incident would occur, I would retaliate with anger against the bullies, then get punished by the teachers and administration in response. The principle and vice principle had what seemed to be a vendetta against me. I got suspended for the most ridiculous things, breaking rules that other, more long-time students didn't even know existed. I felt rejected by both the students and the teachers, so I had no where to turn for help.

Back home it wasn't any better. The transition from my secular school in Hiroshima, Japan to the private Muslim school in Michigan was extremely difficult for me. I had been in the secular school for four years during middle school. I had good friends and the art program was spectacular. The teachers loved me and encouraged my unique voice. My parents always wanted my siblings and I to be in religious school, so they had big hopes for my time back in Michigan. I was expected to graduate from the Muslim school like my older brother did. Their dedication to providing me a religious education made it hard for them to hear my complaints about school. They thought that I was simply being a rebellious teen, and that I just needed to adjust. 

My depression got worse really quick. Within just those two years, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, tried out three different counselors, and several types and doses of anti-depressants. As a minor I had no control over anything. I was forced to go see a counselor, but lost all trust when I discovered she was relaying every word to my parents. I didn't want to take medicine. I knew I wasn't sick, my environment was just making me this way. Every day I took the pill in the morning before school, but would come home crying and upset regardless. Every time I took the anti-depressant it made me feel like there was something wrong with me, just like the bullies made me feel, just like the teachers made me feel, and just like my parents made me feel for not loving the school they chose. It was a horrible cycle and I felt trapped.

I was overwhelmed by these feelings of being trapped and powerless so much that I no longer wanted to live. The first suicide plan I had was to take a bunch of pain pills and overdose. I couldn't follow through. The second was to hang myself in my closet. I even had a chair set up, a belt hanging from the rod, and in a noose around my neck . I remember taking one foot off the chair and bending the other, letting the pressure build on my throat till I saw black. I chickened out and stopped. The last time was the same, but before I had a chance to put the belt over my head, my little sister knocked on the door asking to play with her. I broke down crying because I knew I could never leave them.

When I wasn't attempting suicide, I was engaging in other self-harming coping mechanisms. My left arm still has scars from the cutting. It started out as a curiosity, to see just how much physical pain could I withstand. The physical pain numbed all the emotional pain I was feeling. It was a rush and an adrenaline that I used to cope. Other teens may turn to drugs, alcohol, or partying. I chose to hurt myself. At first it was just pins and other objects I could make a small surface scratch with. I quickly graduated to real razors that left deep wounds and dripped red. My mom found a blood soaked pillow case in my room, and that's when she really understood the severity of my depression.

All this hurt and suffering was caused by only a handful of people. The private school was extremely small, so I was forced to see these same girls every day in every class. They never beat me up, stole from me, or damaged any of my property. Instead, they made fun of and excluded me relentlessly, day in and day out. It doesn't take being physically bullied to get physically hurt. Often times verbal bullying drives the victim to hate themselves so much that they do the job themselves. Thankfully, I was able to convince my parents to let me transfer schools, and the bullying finally ended. My last three years of high school were spent at Washtenaw Technical Middle College where I was able to heal and rebuild my confidence. Being bullied changed me in so many ways, and if there is someone out there reading this who bullies someone, I'd like you to recognize exactly how much your actions hurt people. Here are some of the ways I was affected by bullying:
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  1. Confidence in my abilities was shattered. I've always been artistic. In my previous schools I was praised and admired for my talent. In this school, I was mocked for it. I hid my drawings and stopped bringing my fashion designs into career class after someone said it looked like something their grandmother would wear. I was ashamed of the talents that I am so grateful for and are my life's work now.
  2. Teasing and comments like dubbing me with the nickname “Godzilla” made me develop body dysmorphia. I am the exact weight now that I was in high school, but I feel so much more beautiful and healthy. Back then, I was convinced that I was fat and ugly. While being bullied I started crash dieting, starving myself, throwing up, binge eating, and obsessively working out and weighing myself.
  3. Being bullied made me build up a defense system, closing off my heart and mind to everyone simply to survive the day. As an adult, I've had to deal with this in my relationships, and it's extra hard for me to open up and be vulnerable to people.

Thinking back on my bullying story and how I overcame it, I feel a sense of pride. I pulled through. I came out on the other side as a strong, confident woman. But not everyone is so lucky. There are people of all walks of life experiencing bullying this very moment, and some may be considering taking their own life as a result. It necessary that communities are persistent with opening and continuing dialogue about ways we can work together to end this epidemic. That is why am teaming up with Tracy to bring more awareness to the issue and search for solution. We are cooking up an event together to achieve this, so stay tuned!


Thank you for reading up until this point, and for exploring the most vulnerable parts of my heart with me.

COMMENT BELOW!
Have you ever experienced bullying? If so, how has it effected you?
What are some practical ways we can stop bullying in our schools, workplaces, and society?

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Kick Haters Out of Your Life!                                                          A Modern Girl's Guide to Self Care

3/22/2017

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In life, the only currency we have is time. We trade our time while working at our jobs, which gives us money, with which we buy the products we use to live. We assess the value for each product we buy, so why don't we assess the value of each person we trade our time for? That time will never be given back. There is no refund policy for life. If its hard to assess whether someone brings value to your life, ask yourself if you could have done something more valuable with your time than see that person. If the answer is no, then you know that you have a deep and meaningful connection with that person. If the answer is yes, you could have been more productive with your time, then maybe it's time to reassess this relationship. Start by assessing the value each person brings to your life, then move on to the steps below. 

1. Think objectively about how much you sacrifice to continue that relationship, and how much they contribute.

Ah, the needy friend. Don't we all love those? This point takes me back to freshman year of university. I had found a new group of “cool” older friends, all in their mid to upper twenties. Ironically, as the youngest of the group, I was the most put together out of them all. I was the only one with a steady job, and a car. These “friends” started asking for rides in my car, for money, or to grab the bill at the restaurant. When I have a deep and meaningful connection with a friend, like I do with my best friends, money means nothing and I will treat them to dinner till I go broke. But with these friends, they did nothing to reciprocate my kindness. I realized that I didn't trust them. It wasn't until I discovered that one of these “friends” had taken my car and driven it without my permission while I was at a party that I decided to cut these people out of my life for good. As I figured, they only texted me when they needed money, or a ride to work. I promptly blocked all their asses.

2. Ask yourself: “Can I see myself having a meaningful relationship with this person in 5-10 years?”

With regards to the people mentioned above, the answer for me was a resounding “HELL NAW!” If you find yourself questioning your relationship with someone, whether it be an old friend or new acquaintance, think about your future with them. Can you see them at your wedding, graduation, or other important events? Do you think you would invite them to your birthday party twenty years from now? If the answer is no, then you probably should save your time in the present and walk away. If you don't see yourself having a valuable connection with this person in the future, then it probably won't benefit you now.

3. Listen to the type of language they use around you.

Have you ever been around some one who was ridiculously passive aggressive? How about someone really sarcastic or negative? Thinking about people like this probably already has you in a bad mood. I've had countless friends, classmates, and coworkers, that I didn't pursue friendships with because of their negative vibe and energy. The first way someone's vibe is detected is through their speech and language. If they are constantly bringing themselves down, this tends to bring down your energy too. They could use language meant to bring you down as well, perhaps because of jealousy or projected anger. These types of people will only remain this way, cannot be fixed, and should be avoided like the poison they are.

5. When it comes down to it, does hanging around them make you happy?

This one's pretty simple. If you hang out with a friend and come home feeling like shit almost every time, then maybe that friendship isn't so great. It doesn't matter what type of unwanted emotion that person is making you feel, as long as it is unwanted that is enough justification to end the friendship. I once had a guy friend who was in a long-term relationship. He wanted to marry the girl, or so he told me, but was always flirtatious with me and would complain about his girlfriend every time I saw him. I found myself becoming attracted to him even though I valued our friendship, but it was an automatic response to his manipulative ways. I would come home feeling guilty like I was the “other woman” even though we had never done or said anything sexual. When I started feeling like this all the time, I knew it was time to stop seeing him. I simply stopped replying to his messages, and its been years now since I've seen or heard from him. The drama went away along with him. All the time I would have spent on him is now restored back to me, where I can use it for something much more positive and meaningful, and that makes me feel happy.


After going through the steps above, the rest will come naturally. Once you have recognized that the relationship isn't bringing enough value to your life in exchange for the time you spent, you will have an easy time deciding to end that connection. Next comes the hard part. How do you stop engaging with a person who feels so entitled to your attention? In this age of technology, cutting people out has to start there. If someone is bothering you or making you feel uncomfortable, immediately block them on all social media sites. I can't even tell you how long my block list is on Facebook. You would think that I would mainly be blocking creepy old men, but the type of people I encounter on social media as a modern woman shockingly broad...
  • The classic creepy old man, sends “hey cutie” message immediately after getting added.
  • Arab men from over-seas who see I am Syrian-American and start messaging me in Arabic asking for sexual favors.
  • 'Drone' females who invite me to porn websites or send links to viruses that are used to hack into computers and steal personal information.
  • Young men that I add from my own communities that spam with flirtatious messages who I politely turn down, who then get angry and violent.
  • Internet trolls who send and post insults and lewd comments at random.
  • Trump supporters sending anti-Arab, anti-Feminism, and Anti-Islam hate mail.

The list goes on....

As I have worked to expand my brand and blog, I've had to reach out even further into the depths of the internet to engage with audiences. As I was doing this I started seeing more and more hate being thrown, seemingly without remorse, in all directions. There are communities on the internet that are so supportive and loving, but on the outskirts there always lies a hoard of ignorant haters, sitting in their underwear posting on the internet out of pure spite.

How does one navigate this shit storm, you ask? Simple.

It all comes down to your mindset. It sounds cliche, but things are cliche for a reason. When someone sends me a hateful, violent, or uninvited sexually explicit message, instead of feeling fear and anger, I turn it around in my head and feel sorry for them. There is clearly something wrong going on in their life, heart, or soul, for them to think that this behavior is acceptable and necessary. They should be ashamed of themselves. Recognize that you are the sane and loving one who is not sending negative vibes into the universe. You are simply taking up your own space, doing your own thing, and they are intruding on your bubble and causing harm.

You need to strengthen your mental bubble. They are sad, pathetic people, who have nothing better to do than sit on their computers and find a feminist to slut-shame on the internet to make themselves feel better. They are the people who grew up with uneducated families, and were taught that black skin meant evil. That Trump supporter who hates immigrants is now missing out on some of the best food in the world. By being a hater, they are missing out on so much GOOD STUFF. Of course, it makes a lot of sense! By being a hater, they are missing out on so much LOVE. THEY are the ones who have their hearts and minds shut to the world, to people different than them, and to the “other”.
Opening yourself up to every kind of person is hard. There are so many people in the world. They will say things that hurt, confuse, and scare you. The important thing is that you listen. Listen and learn. How can you know your enemies without learning about them? How can you find common ground with a stranger without knowing what ground he stands on?

So let's all learn to not be a HATER, learn to open ourselves up for LOVE and ENLIGHTENMENT, and use our new-found self love to care for our selves by kicking haters out of our lives for good!

COMMENT BELOW!  What are some ways you practice self-care and avoid negativity? What's your best tip to kicking out a hater?

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New Website Page: Resale Boutique!

3/16/2017

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I've decided to combine my love for fashion with my knack for finding gems in the oddest of markets, and open a Resale Boutique! One of my absolute favorite hobbies is going to thrift stores, flea markets, and boutiques of all kind and picking out garments and accessories that are super unique. It is how I love to dress myself. I like to combine my own designs with thrifted items to make my look more grungy and whimsical. I have fun altering my thrift store finds or adding to them with new fabric, embroidery, or paint straight on the item.  Visit my Resale Boutique page weekly to see what new item I have photographed for sale. 
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When Religion Doesn't Work

3/10/2017

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This generation does not view religion like the previous one, and that is clearly visible. Our parents generation generally went along with what their parents did before them, when it comes to religion anyway. Often times a child born to Christianity was a Christian when they died. A child born into Islam was a Muslim when they died. It is a cycle. People live and die for generations having the same mentality without ever growing or evolving. I think in a different way. I made the choice a long time ago, while I still identified as fully Muslim, to allow myself to think that there might be another way. This is something extremely radical in strict religious communities. In Islam its called Shirk, meaning doing something that discredits Allah, his Prophets, or the Qur'an.

It always bothered me that in religious communities, even simply asking questions is met with negativity and resistance. I remember being in Qur'an (holy scripture) class and reading lines that I didn't quite understand. When I would ask what they meant, or why we had to obey what was written, I was treated like a rebellious child. Disagreeing with the words of the holy scripture is never an option in religious schools. Drowning in that expectation, I tried to make sense of things as best as I could. My curiosity was stifled time and time again, and all I could do was force myself to believe and obey. All those unanswered questions lead to frustration that built up over time, and that's why years later I'm coming face to face all these un-examined feelings stuffed in my chest.

Sadly my experience is a common one in religious communities, whether it be Christianity, Islam or Judaism. Each religion has its own culture and traditions that often converge to complicate things even further. For example, in Islam, the holy scripture commands all women past puberty to cover in a headscarf, or Hijab. If you travel to Saudi Arabia, they take it to the extreme and the women are covered head to toe in black with only eyes and hands showing. On the other hand, a trip to Pakistan would show women with midriffs showing, Saris slipping off their shoulders, and their silk scarves falling off their hair. Each group of people will interpret the scripture their own way, making religion corruptible. People of all backgrounds born into these religions have experienced these unpleasant circumstances. As I got older I came to realize that most of my friends or people that gravitated towards me also felt this same way about organized religion.

Several friends of mine have recalled experiences in their religious communities that made them feel resentful, confused, and unwelcome. They have similar stories of asking questions at school or with family, and being shut down without an answer. These experiences create a collection of memories in one's brain relating back to religion. Because of how our religious communities handle truth-seekers and skeptics, our recollections of religion now often have negative connotations. Those negative feelings, mixed with my natural skepticism, evolved quickly into the question:

“Why don't religious communities encourage their followers to ask questions and empower them to find the Truth?”

If religion was truly about connection with God and finding the divine Truth, then religious communities shouldn't discourage their followers to ask questions. If history has shown us anything, it is that holy scriptures and religion can be used to manipulate naive people. Christianity is an easy example- it was used as a weapon for years, to strip away the identity of Native People, and to control the African slaves. Back when most of the citizens of a land were illiterate, it was generally the government who controlled and interpreted the scriptures. As the saying goes, wherever there is power there is corruption. The only way to prevent being taken advantage of or mislead is to always follow your gut.

It wasn't until I actually slowed down and examined my views of religion that I recognized all these stifled doubts inside. My gut had been poking me for years. Identifying as Muslim this long without being fully convinced, or at least working towards full conviction, was doing myself a huge disservice. I was robbing myself of the chance of living an open and genuine life, and fully stand behind what I say I believe in. I had to either get answers, or move on from the religion that was causing me so much discomfort. Religion is not a person or an entity. It's not a job you can't quit. The religion is not going to miss you. My family doesn't own the religion, and me disliking it shouldn't reflect on how I feel about them or how I was raised. The biggest breakthrough I had this year was realizing I didn't owe it to anyone to stay Muslim.

I do however, owe it to myself to be honest, with myself and everyone else. I can't afford not to live an authentic life. Admitting to my family and the religious community that I am filled to the brim with doubt was the bravest thing I've ever had to do. I am still facing the repercussions of my decision to come clean. It's funny how religious people preach honesty until you are honesty about something they don't want to hear. Its been extremely difficult and emotionally exhausting, but allowing myself to be vulnerable has made me stronger. This journey towards authenticity has been marked by a steady feeling of calm growing in my chest. I won't stop till my demons are done dancing. 

COMMENT BELOW! What ways does religion work? What ways doesn't it? What are some ways you have experienced religion and how has it effected you?

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Why Come Out? 

3/8/2017

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People close to me have asked me "why was it important to you to come out publicly? Or specifically, on social media?" I can't even begin to explain the impact it has had on my life. The amount of love and support I've received has been overwhelming! I've had several extra-extra long messages in my inbox about experiencing a similar situation with their family and the religious clashes, or just applauding the class with which I came out. I've had people unfollow me on Instagram, at an alarming rate. All I can say is I'm dropping haters like flies. I don't have time for people who don't have positive vibes or wish me ill things. I don't have time for people who think I'm going to hell for making choices that give me an open and authentic lifestyle. Frankly, I don't have time for people who want to judge me. The only person I judge is myself. I judge how I like myself this year, and decide how best to progress towards my goals. Like I've said before, walk unapologetically in the direction of your goals and dreams. Don't let anybody bring you down from your high on life, love, art, connections, or success.
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Coming Out-Reflection

3/6/2017

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For a long time it felt like an answer was missing, and the answer was to a question I didn't even know. So you can understand the general feeling of unrest I had throughout my young adult hood. I had feelings that I presumed were normal, but somehow I always felt out of place. I did things that I would later reflect on that are clear indicators.
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Choosing to come out now seems so random in the grand scheme of my life yet at the same time perfectly understandable.  My family is probably shocked and doesn't understand why I'm choosing to come out now and why it took me so long to do it.  Isn't this something that should have been brought to light as soon as I felt it?

The difference between me and maybe someone else coming out to their family is that I was raised to believe that homosexuality was disgusting, that gay people where either sick, confused, or following a social trend. Homosexuals needed to be helped. They needed to be pitied and prayed for. So it was something that I always had in the back of my head and I pushed down deep inside me.

Throughout high school and college, I always had this open-mindedness towards the LGBT community that my family never understood. My mom told me later on, after I told her I was bisexual, or queer, that she had wondered if I was “that” because of my support for the LGBT community, having gay friends or being excited to design wedding outfits for two grooms. That's something that another Muslim or middle eastern girl might be comfortable with. Just be because I was friendly and supportive she suspected I was gay, which is wrong on so many levels. 

People who don't really understand sexuality will ask me: “Well, how do you know you're bisexual?” And I say, “Well, how do you know you're straight before you ever slept with someone?” I ask them that. They really don't have an answer, but they just say they're attracted to that gender. I ask them about when they were kids and had crushes on little boys or girls. They just knew they were straight...or rather it was something they didn't really have to think about.

I came to the realization that we are raised our whole lives to be straight and everyone assumes you're straight, so you kinda just assume it too till you step back and look at yourself in the mirror. Now I'm like, well shit! Everything makes sense now! It makes sense how I have this masculine side to me that I never understood or fully accepted. 

Growing up I was always a tomboy, but at the same time I always loved art and clothes and all the things that were stereo-typically feminine. That's probably what made it so hard for me to recognize my sexuality, because I never knew it could be such a spectrum. My idea of a queer woman was a super-butch lesbian with short hair, and that wasn't me. As a kid I would wanna play the prince in pretend games with friends. I would tie my hair back and dress up in boy clothes. My first kiss was my friend who was pretending to be a princess. I must have been ten years old. I swooped her low like I'd seen in the movies and planted one on her lips. Everything was fine until she told her dad the next day, and we weren't allowed to play anymore. 

In middle school I had my first real girl crush. She had auburn hair, freckles, and hazel eyes. I remember thinking she was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. She was just a kid, we were all kids. I don't even remember recognizing that it was a girl crush, because I was taught by society to know what it felt like to have a crush on a boy, but I never knew what it felt like to have a crush on a girl, which is different in a way. But, the only thing I remember is just really wanting to be her friend. It sounds so silly and cute but I remember when I moved away, I wrote her a letter saying I wish we could be friends forever, or something like that, and I gave her a little present. And, looking back on that, I was really crushing on her.

That's not something that was talked about in my home. I knew not to mention even being friends with a boy, let alone having a crush on him, so imagine talking about crushing on a girl! In my house, if you felt things for your same gender, that meant you were sick and twisted. You need to be fixed. 

But now, I recognize that that's just the way my brain is wired. That's just the way that I'm wired. It doesn't mean that I'm a deviant, it doesn't mean that I'm being rebellious or trying to be a “snowflake” or any other of that bullshit. You know, people make it seem like its a choice, and it may seem like I am “choosing” to be bisexual or to identify as that right now, when in fact I'm choosing to be honest with myself and the world rather than live in denial of my true self. 

I told one person, one close friend, and then that turned into coming out to almost all of my close friends. It feels public when all your close friends know and you can just be yourself around them, but its not public until your family knows, and social media knows. Because (sarcasm) every one knows if it didn't happen on social media it never happened.

Back when I first was identifying privately as bisexual, I thought to myself "Damn, this whole time I was involved in activism for the LGBT community, being a supporter and an ally, and I couldn't even admit to myself my feelings about women. How fake of me." And I had that guilt. But now I realize I have nothing to be guilty about. Everyone has their own journey and now it's my duty to use my voice in a way that helps other people.

My mom often asked me why I think its important for people to know. I know that secretly she wishes I would have kept it to myself. But I know that my voice needs to be heard.  My mix of identities is so eclectic, that someone out there might identify with me and my story. There has to be another half-Syrian girl that is living in fear of how her family will react. I want to assure her that she is strong and will make it through this. That there are people who will support her, even if her family is utterly confused and disgusted at your existence. 

Being queer is just a small part of my identity. On most days I don't even think about it, it's just who I am. The world needs to see people as multi-dimensional instead of putting them into boxes. I pray this story has brought someone hope and bravery. 
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What I Learned in Istanbul

2/26/2017

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I was only in Turkey for a total of four months, but I swear to you it felt like way longer. Something about the city just draws you in. Its so chaotic, everything is always moving, but then there are those small neighborhoods like mine that make you feel like you're in a village. What a weird combination, Istanbul. It was such an eclectic mix of ethnicities, yet it was still mostly Turks. People rarely spoke English, so I had to get by with gestures and the few words I had picked up along the way. The hustle and bustle. It blew my mind.

When I first arrived I learned that indeed, the English language was just as confusing and boring as I anticipated it to be. I was enrolled in the area called Kadikoy, right on the water, at a TEFL school for a certification. I had made the plan to teach English in Turkey to extend my stay with my Syrian aunts that were living there after escaping from the conflict in Syria. I hadn't seen them in around seven years, so I wanted to be around them for a while. During that time I learned how to take the buses and not get (that) lost navigating my way to and from the language center downtown. At the center I practiced teaching English to retired Turks from around the area, and they were absolutely charming.

After I was certified I landed a job at a university in an area also close to the water, called Uskudar. There I taught at a preparatory school for students going into university for the first time. I learned how nationalism was popular for young Turks in this day and age. How many students, especially the males, would boast about the infinite wisdom of their president. It was an interesting parallel to the presidential race in the United States happening at the same time.

I realized then that authoritarian leaders rise in every country at different times and for different reasons. But also that there seemed to be a larger plan in the world that was being pulled in different directions by strings shrouded in mystery. The question I always seemed to have on my mind was who the true puppet master could be. Every country seemed to have different stakes in this global game of thrones. From an outside perspective looking at the United States, it was clear to see that maybe we were no longer the first world power. It looked like Russia was battling for the top, and the U.S was struggling with its grip on the world.

This kind of shattered my glass ceiling, and shifted my perspective of the world. Things are really not all what they seem. My time in Turkey was marked by moments like this for me. Weeks went by with this feeling of transparency in time. I knew I was in a moment that would come to be marked down in history as a time of change. I kept asking myself what my place was in this giant story. That could be a result of the big-ness of a city like Istanbul.
The city was crawling with people. Each person walking along had their own story. Each had their own voice, that they could choose to keep silent, or they could use for change. There's a word for this feeling- being overwhelmed with the existence of each passerby's individual story- and I was feeling it hard in Istanbul. I asked myself, in this crowd of people, how could I possibly change a thing? I guess you could say I went through a minor depression, or at least a loss of purpose.

Then I had kind of an epiphany. I examined my own individual mix of identities. I came to the conclusion that there really isn't anyone with my same vision, voice, or perspective. My mix of identities had always contained being American-born, half-Syrian, Muslim-raised, artist and designer, third-generation kid who lived all over the globe, and most recently; queer woman in a heterosexual relationship. I had that last realization about a year ago now.

I had reflected on my childhood and young adulthood while in Istanbul, and the explanation was clear for the way I had been feeling. I had been bi-sexual all along, but I hadn't been able to get past the mental blocks nailed in my head by religion to admit it to myself. Things I had thought about, felt, and done as a young teen now made sense to me. I reflected back on having my first crush on a girl, back in middle school.

I don't remember thinking of it as a crush, though. All I felt was a strong sense of wanting to be closer to her...and that she was the prettiest girl in the whole class. She had auburn hair and freckles across her face. When it was her birthday, valentines day, or any other excuse holiday, I would make cards and gifts for her. I would make them for my other friends too, of course. But hers I would take extra care with.

I look back and remember small instances in time like that, before I even knew anything about sexuality and what it meant to be attracted to someone. Flash forward to this past summer at a job, and I knew for sure that I was queer. This was the confirmation anyone could have asked for. Ironically this girl had red-ish hair and freckles too. And she made my heart pound fast. I think what made it more alluring was that it was clear she was not straight either. I wanted to talk to her so badly.

It was in Istanbul that I found the strength to tell my family (my mom for now) that I was bisexual. She reacted okay. I knew my dad, with his cultural Syrian roots and religion, wouldn't really have the tools to deal with a discovery like this. I didn't tell him just yet. I knew I had to tell him when I could see him face to face, back home. I knew the transition was going to be difficult. I was revealing a part of myself I had kept in the depths of my mind for so long. I knew it would be hard for my family to adjust to the idea.

People ask me, how do you know you're bisexual if you have never had sex with a woman? I ask in return, how do you know you are straight when you are young and haven't had sex yet? They get it then. Its about attraction. Its about how your biology is wired. I didn't choose to be attracted to women, that's just how I feel right now. The only choice I made wasn't to have these feelings, but to be transparent with this part of my identity.

When I first began to identify as queer, I suddenly had this feeling of not being genuine. Through all the support I showed to the LGBTQ community, I still hadn't been able to be “out” myself. I knew it was time to change that. In this world that paints Syrian women as one thing, or Americans as one thing, or even Muslim-born women as one thing, we need voices saying no. We are not a monolith, we are individuals. Syrian women are not all desperate refugees, but are strong, resilient warriors. Americans are not European/white people, America is White, Black, Brown, Asian, Arab... and Muslims are not all terrorists, we are normal people with normal struggles, like juggling our identities and discovering our sexuality.
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I learned in Istanbul that I am part of the many people who are missing links. We hover in the limbo between worlds, between identities. We show the opposite of the stereotypes people paint us as. It's voices like ours that will change the perspectives of the world. This realization gave me my purpose back. I have this vision in my head and I carried it back home with me. It's time to work.  
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ISIS is funded by U.S Tax Dollars

12/19/2016

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Since I've been in Istanbul, I've picked up a job working as an English teacher for a local university. In my upper-intermediate class, we had a literature unit, and we took a trip as a class to the university library to choose a book. All the students gravitated towards the book 1984 by George Orwell. This is one of those books that is typically on a U.S high school reading list, but because of my atypical high school experience, I never read it. They highly encouraged me to, so I picked it up and finished it within a day. It was just the type of political conspiracy book I liked.

After I read the book, I began to observe the political atmosphere of the world as it stands today. I've always been a very skeptical person when it came to governments (thanks dad) and many people could call me a conspiracy theorist. I like to call it investigative. The most impactful piece of politics that affects me personally is of course the so-called “War on Terror”. Since 9/11 Arabs and Muslims alike have been demonized and used to fuel the fear propaganda media. After that attack, the U.S was able to march into the Iraq war with the screaming support of the U.S citizens. If you do any research at all, you know now that Iraq in fact had no connection to 9/11, and didn't even have any weapons of mass destruction. What was the actual reason, I wonder? What seems to be the only reason the U.S goes to war? You guessed it, fossil fuels.

From that point, I connected the dots. Who is the biggest provider of fossil fuels? Saudi Arabia. Our entire alliance is founded around the stuff. The Bin Laden family is from Saudi Arabia. On the day of the attack, the entire Bin Laden family was rounded up by the government and sent peacefully back to their country while all other aircraft were grounded. When I try to stress this point in my numerous debates on this topic, I strike this question: Let's say a notorious Mexican drug lord who had relatives living in the U.S committed a horrific attack on U.S soil, and then fled back to Mexico. Could you, in your wildest dreams, imagine the government finding his relatives and sending them back on their merry way to Mexico? No, its unfathomable. They would be held for questioning to find out where he was hiding.

Clearly there was something strange happening. Fast forward to today, and the Islamophobia-fueled fear propaganda machine is alive and healthier than ever. Back in the day we had Al-Qaeda, and now we have it's replacement, ISIS. Where did this group come from? I can tell you without a doubt that had the U.S not gone into Iraq, ISIS would have had a very slim chance of developing. This happened for two reasons:


  1. By entering Iraq unjustly and killing over one million innocents, the U.S created an entire generation of angry people. These people had lost their families, their homes, and their country was left in shambles. There was one obvious culprit: the United States. How could they not be filled with rage and anguish enough to become terrorist fighters? They were left with nothing to lose. And as they say, a man with nothing to lose is the most dangerous kind.
  2. Yes, we agree that Saddam Hussein was a ruthless leader. He committed many crimes against his own people. But, you cannot deny that he kept his country together and disciplined. After he was assassinated by the U.S, the entire region fell into chaos. Just the kind of chaos necessary for terrorist organizations to thrive and gain power.
So, Iraq is now a breeding ground for terrorist organizations. Here comes the Saudi role again. In Saudi Arabia there is a form of fundamentalist Islam that is becoming more and more widespread. It is called Wahhabism, and it preaches the Quran in a very literal sense and takes a very extreme interpretation. The Saudi government actually highly encourages it's top clerics (or Imams) to preach this specific form. It is this extreme Wahhabi sect of Islam that gives birth to a huge number of the terrorists we see today. In fact, an overwhelming majority of ISIS fighters are from Saudi Arabia, all joining to fight for the sake of Jihad, or holy war, while being encouraged by their religious leaders.

How does this involve the U.S? As many people know they are the largest exporter of arms in the world. And, Saudi Arabia is their biggest and most loyal customer. So, Saudi Arabia causes systematic religious brainwashing of thousands of young men, those young men buy guns from the United States, and then go on to spread terror across the globe in the name of Islam. And, in the process, the pair continue their profitable fossil fuels alliance. Oh, and of course that's not all the U.S gets out of this partnership. The government now has an abundant source for fear propaganda.

The most powerful thing to own is not money, not oil, not even guns, but an idea or emotion. Fear consumes the mind and can make people paranoid. With paranoia comes hatred of the thing causing it Society becomes split. The government remains in control. The alliance between Saudi Arabia and the United States is nothing more than a business arrangement, and world dominance is the prize.


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Learning To Be Vulnerable Made Me Stronger

12/8/2016

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Learning to be vulnerable is probably one of the hardest personal battles I've ever had to overcome. As a young teen I suffered with severe depression that left me feeling broken and weak. During my recovery, I built an iron-hard casing around myself, my heart, and my thoughts. I was sick of being weak and pitied, and I told myself I would never feel that way again. I've always been a very passionate and emotional person, and for years during my recovery I kept all that emotion bottled up inside with a bubbly exterior.

At first it was fake, but after a while I actually became what I had been pretending to be. I was actually happy, fully and deeply happy. But, that same habit was still there. I knew how to be happy now, and I wanted to keep it up. Show my family and the world that Lena has finally got her shit together. No, she isn't about to fall apart again. What I never realized was that every quote-on-quote functioning person had an emotional break down every once and a while. People cried in front of others. They spoke out loud about their insecurities to their friends and family. They were genuine.

The biggest thing about not letting yourself be vulnerable is that you are in-fact robbing yourself more than anyone else. You are robbing yourself of the opportunity to be a sincere, open, and transparent person, and I can say as someone newly experienceing this feeling- there is nothing quite like it. I had felt for years that my inner self was made up of multiple layers...just like shrek being an onion ha ha...but totally relevent in this situation...and most people only ever met the first couple layers. Very few got deep, and you can bet no one got to my heart. That always had an unbreaking unconscious shield around it, saying “Don't care too much, Lena, cuz then you might get hurt. You remember how much emotions can hurt when they are exposed to the air”

​Oddly, I had these delusions of being a mentally and emotionally tough person. I told myself I could handle anything thrown at me because I always had my trusty heart-shield that could bounce it right off. Only now, as I get older, am I realizing that you only get stronger when you face the resistance head-on. Until you let yourself fully feel everything, and externalize those thoughts and feelings, will you truly be strong. There is something incredibly powerful about being fully known as you are. I'm sick of the armor. I no longer romantacize mystery. I'm peeling away the layers year by year. I've never felt more vulnerable, and I've never felt stronger or more alive.  
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7 Lessons My Syrian Roots Have Taught Me

11/18/2016

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1. Be a good hostess
If you ever have the privilege of being a dinner guest in a Syrian home, be prepared for a multi-course meal. For dinner, they will serve the food on your plate in giant piles despite your objections that you couldn't possibly eat all that. If you think you can manage, make sure you announce that you are full before you actually are, because they will insist on one more heaping spoonful. Be prepared for at least two more servings on your plate before you can be excused. After dinner there is coffee and sweets, then tea and nuts and seeds, then a plate full of fruits and veggies. If you stay late enough more tea and desert will be served. I see this culture reflected in myself at home when I always insist on feeding my friends that come over.

2. Family over everything else
Family drama is rarely an issue in traditional Syrian families. Don't get me wrong, Syrian women love to gossip just as much as the rest of them, but they know where to draw the line. There will always be one family scandal or another, but people talk about the actions of the person rather than the person themselves. They value strong family bonds that will last for their entire lifetime. They think about longevity rather than the temporary pleasure of completely tearing down a person with words because of a mistake or habit. Syrian people tend to have the attitude towards their family members of “it is what it is,” they simply accept an aspect of that person's personality and move on to more important things, like loving them despite their flaws.

3. Real wealth is something you can't see
My dad is probably the most dignified person I know. He knows who he is and what he believes in, and holds his head high. His family in Syria was never wealthy, but they were rich with values and morals. Despite being poor they never brought themselves down. Because of their high respect for themselves, they valued education and work ethic. They respected themselves, and because of that they always showed respect to others. They were never resentful of those who had more than them, but always praised them for their hard work. My dad has always been proud of his family name. He told me growing up, “remember, you are a Harbali.” To him that was the equivalent of a royal family's name.

4. Be content with what you have
I remember being a child and visiting Syria in the summer times, man were those good days! My siblings and I always had an absolute blast there. Back home, we had a house full of things to entertain us; toys, games, a computer, movies, art supplies, you name it. When we went to Syria, I remember my three female cousins (that I always spent the night with) all together having just one small tote bag of toys, and that was it. Other than that, they had a few pens and pencils, a couple notebooks, and of course the all-essential deck of cards. We would stay up till sunrise playing passionate rounds of cards. When all the cousins were together as kids, we entertained ourselves with physical games that involved singing, running, clapping, or jumping. We used the most basic of supplies. My favorite was playing soccer with a flip flop stolen off someones foot. They had almost no physical objects to entertain them, but my siblings and I always had more fun in Syria than we ever did in America. What they valued more than material objects was the comrodery: telling stories, making jokes, singing, dancing, and making up ingenious games with limited resources.

​5. Laughter heals wounds of the heart
My two aunts and their kids went through unspeakable circumstances just to arrive here (Istanbul) safely. Back home in Aleppo, the sound of guns and bombs filled the air 24/7. They experienced so much violence, betrayal, and chaos. To be honest, I was afraid of what I might find here, afraid to find a ghost of the jolly people I once knew. To my surprise, I found they hadn't changed one bit. As usual, my young male cousins spent their time teasing each other, wrestling, playing cards enthusiastically, and filling their bellies with laughter. Sometimes, I would notice a forlorn look come across one of their faces. Their eyes would start to drain and look empty. But then, the cousin sitting next to them would jab them in the ribs and the sparkle would instantly fill their eyes again as they shouted out and laughed. My cousin asked me, “What else are we supposed to do? Be sad all the time?” I wish people in the West thought this way. Even the smallest amount of upset can disturb their entire day. Its a mentality that my family has adopted. Even the most horrific memories cannot drown out the joy of the current moment of having enough to eat, being in a safe place, and having family to joke with.

6. Give more than you take
The first thing you may hear as a guest in a Syrian house is “my home is your home.” I've heard this phrase from people of all backgrounds and walks of life, but none take it to heart quite as much as a Syrian family. I have never experienced the same level of unbridled generosity anywhere else. They will literally give you the clothes off their backs if you asked. When visiting with my family I have to be careful with my words- simply commenting that I like something might result them insisting I take it for my own. This past Saturday we had a little ladies get together at my aunts house. She was getting dressed up, and put on a really pretty shade of lipstick. I commented on it, and immediately she exclaimed, “take it!” then scurried over to her closet to show me the other colors she had to offer. They were all brand-new, never used or opened, yet she was beyond willing to give it all up to me. I find myself doing similar things at home in America with my friends, offering up anything and everything just to make them happy. Like my aunt says: no material object can top a look of joy on someone's face that you care about.

7. Be resourceful and persistent
​My family in Syria taught me this lesson way before the conflict there ever started, but it is even more clear in my mind now that it has. Even before the conflict, my family was never very well-off financially, but that never stopped them from doing anything. Their lack of funds simply made them more resourceful. I credit that upbringing to my dad's love of duct tape (haha). In Syria, if there was a hole in the wall, they would first stuff it with news paper, cover it with chicken wire, then seal the hole with the beloved duct tape and paint over it. If the kids wanted to play soccer and we dint have a ball we would find bits of fabric around the house to roll up around each other till it was big enough to play. When they were faced with adversity, they never felt defeated or started to complain. They simply accepted how the world was, and moved on in a direction to fix it. Since the conflict, they have found new ways to use their resourcefulness. I've heard little bits and pieces of their stories- how they fled the war and made it to Turkey- and each one is full of courage, wit, and audacity. They had to do things they never thought they would do, and face obstacles they never thought they would face. There is no “right way” to flee for your life into a country that doesn't want you, and yet, here they are.



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How to Manifest Travel Into Your Life

9/27/2016

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1. Daydream like a kid again


As adults we are trained to give up our dreams and fantasies for the sake of so-called practicality. Any wild dream is deemed silly and immediately dismissed, so often we are embarrassed to even voice what we really want in life. This step is completed in the safety and privacy of your own brain. Allow yourself to daydream. Picture yourself in your ideal lifestyle, and really soak in how amazing it feels to be there. At this point in my own journey, my mental script was saying “wow, wouldn't it be amazing if I could travel the world? I wish!” Wishing something into existence is the very first step- you have to see it in your minds eye to let it manifest.

2. Find inspiration

While I was sewing for my most recent runway show, I listened to a travel podcast almost every single day. I was super booked (as always) and was drafting patterns, cutting fabric, and sewing one garment every day (I don't recommend this, it's tiring!!) I'm a very social person, and like to be outside of the house for the majority of the day, so having to be stuck inside all those hours was very draining. What saved me was that podcast. I found it by accident on Spotify while looking for music. That inspired me to do more research. I read as many articles, blog posts, and books as I could written by people who did what I wanted to do. Just from listening to the podcast and reading material I was able to learn so much that it made my dream of world travel seem way more achievable. If you are the type of person to over-think things, or can't go into things blindly, I highly recommend reading real-life stories from world travelers to ease your worries.
My inspiration:
  • Articles on Thrifty Nomads Blog
  • Chicken Soup for the Traveler's Soul
  • The Budget-Minded Traveler Podcast and Blog (MUCH love!!)

3. Get un-stuck

After I graduated, I made a conscious choice not to find a full-time art teacher job, because I knew I could get comfortable and stay stuck. So for Fall-Spring 2016 I worked odd jobs that I couldn't get attached to as I worked up the courage to travel. I mostly worked as a substitute teacher, which is incredibly flexible (just accept jobs on the daily as needed). Because I could make my own schedule, I was able to dip my toes into solo travel with my trip to Arizona. Read about my unconventional trip here. I told myself I would take that year to figure things out, and the next Fall I would apply for jobs. Well, summer came and I decided that I hadn't yet satisfied my thirst for travel, so I decided not to apply for a teaching job in the Fall. With the big, empty year looming ahead of me with no job to fill it up, I forced myself to act. That's when I started researching different jobs one could find abroad. Through my research I read so many stories of people who built or enhanced their career through their travels- it wasn't just a vacation to them. This really spurred me on, and I decided to look into TEFL certifications. I am getting certified through the International TEFL Academy 

4. Talk about it

It's time now to take the inner workings of your brain from step #1 and spill it out into the world! This may be the scariest step for some people. Personally what I feared most was the reaction from my parents- no one wants their kid to move away! I slowly introduced the idea to them, and I mean slowly, like for years. They didn't take me seriously at first, but it got to them eventually. As for everyone else, I told people a few at a time to gradually get the idea out there. This cuts out the drama of “HEY! I'M LEAVING!!” Speaking things out loud makes you more likely to follow through with action, because you feel held accountable by everyone you told. Don't worry, its a good kind of pressure. Since people started to know I was going to travel, I have been approached a few times by fellow travelers with their tips and stories. Being open about what you want will ensure that people with your interests see you and want to connect!

5. Make yourself as light as a feather

The first thought that ran through my head when I thought about travel was “Crap! How am I gonna bring all my stuff??” I remember traveling as a kid and packing up our stuff to get shipped internationally, its a lot of work and money. Do away with that concern by getting rid of everything but the necessities. I personally got rid of almost 2/3 of everything I own, see how I did it here. Most likely there will be awesome stuff during your travels that you will want to buy anyway! Might as well leave room in your suitcase for it, am I right? Anyway, the essence of travel is about experience- the food, the views, and the people- and less about material objects. Let this be a chance to reconnect to the things that really matter in life. Before I even left for my trip to Istanbul, I was starting to reap the benefits of living a less materialistic life. Read how my life changed.

6. Take bold, decisive actions
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This is probably my favorite step, because its when things actually start falling into place. The biggest thing to figure out of course is finances, and you need to think about it at least a year before you plan to leave. This year I bought very little expensive items, sold a ton of my stuff, and was thoughtful with my spending. It's all about sacrifices. I was working odd minimum wage jobs in addition to my design work- not making six figures here people! I came to the realization that if I am a broke college grad, I'd rather be broke doing cool shit. Anyone can afford to travel, you just have to prioritize that over anything else. The next thing I figured out was a source of income. Most of us can't afford to just 'hang out' in a country without a job. For me, the TEFL certification seemed like the best fit, since I was already a certified art teacher. The last step was setting a departure date and buying a plane ticket. This is the final push to really get your butt out the door! Unless you are willing to throw away a ton of money, most people won't back down from their flight plans.

As I type this I'm sitting by the window watching the sun rise over the beautiful city of Istanbul, and I feel a sense of peace in my heart, because I made it here after all the hard work. It will pay off, if you just believe it is possible you can do anything!


What are your tips for travel? If I should drop all my plans for next year and travel somewhere, where would it be?  
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How I got rid of 2/3 of my belongings in under two months 

9/7/2016

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I'm heading to Istanbul in less than a month, and I knew I wanted to travel REALLY lightly. This journey to a simpler life has changed me in so many ways already. Read how here! I used to struggle to make a dent in attempting to tame the clutter in my bedroom/art studio. These were the steps I took that helped me dramatically change my outlook on getting rid of stuff. If you want to see a noticeable difference in your living space, take these steps to fast track to real changes! 

1. Be RUTHLESS in your judgement

This is probably the most important factor to getting rid of your stuff quickly and efficiently. If you spend too much time mulling over one object, it will take you way too long to go through everything. Eventually you will get tired and frustrated, and give up before you reach your goal. I’ve noticed that the longer I hold something, the more memories my brain brings up relating to it. The longer you dwell, the harder the decision will be. Just do it. Like a Band-Aid. I like to have piles/boxes/bags set up and labeled nicely in front of me. Once an object makes it into a pile, there is no turning back! Remember, your initial reaction is probably the right one.

​Ask yourself: Do I actually need or use this thing? Does it bring any value to my life? 9 times out of 10 the answer is no.

2. Determine your type of ATTACHMENT to objects

There are several reasons why a person can find it difficult to let something go. Often times it’s because of the memories attached to it, rather than the object itself. That would be called an emotional attachment. Other times we simply enjoy looking at something because it brings us visual/aesthetic pleasure. Lastly, we may find pleasure in the simple fact of owning that object. This happens often times with expensive items like cars, shoes, or watches. Ever have a pair of shoes so fancy and expensive that you never want to wear them? Yeah, those need to go. The first step to get over these illogical attachments is to take a picture. Looking at that image later can give you the same feelings as actually owning it. If there is a memory attached to it, write it down. Write down your memories, how it makes you feel, who gave it to you, etc. Get it out so you can move on.

3. BE REAL about what is readily available around you

This is especially relevant to people (like me) who are about to move or travel. It is very common to over-pack, and it’s often with stuff that is readily available at your destination. I for example, am not planning to bring any bulky sweaters, more than one pair of jeans, or a couple pairs of shoes. I know that at my destination I can buy all these items easily, and for cheaper than an overweight bag at the airport check-in. For people who are not traveling but still looking to downsize, this can be a reminder not to turn into a hoarder. No, you don’t need 20 half-empty shampoo bottles. Don’t hold onto shoes or clothes you don’t wear. If you find that you are in need after your minimalist-cleansing, you can always go buy it. You will find that you need a lot less than you actually think.

4. DEFINE your wardrobe

This is mentioned in almost every article about productivity and minimalist living, however it is so essential I have to address it. Over the past six or so years I have been shopping exclusively at thrift stores. Because of this I have been able to accumulate lots of clothing. I love to mix and match and put together endless funky looks. As fun as this is, my mornings suffered from chronic indecisiveness. There was just too many combinations to choose from! I paired down my wardrobe to the things I wore the most. Everyone has those garments that they only wear when they are in “the right mood”, or have stuff stashed away for when they lose weight or from a previous weight…the list goes on. The way I define it: I chose only clothing that I love to wear all the time, and love every time I wear. They must be easy to take care of, flattering, comfortable, and great for mixing and matching. For me that meant getting rid of a lot of fun print (which I love) and focusing more on neutrals.
 
5. Get rid of the MAYBE SOMEDAY mindset

Artists suffer from this mindset especially (guilty!) This is the thought that runs through your brain when you decide to put something back on the shelf instead of in the donation box. “Well, I might need it someday!” I’ll give you an example- during one of my nature filled trips I found these amazing sun bleached roots of a great tree. They were absolutely beautiful! I had lots of plans for them: casting pieces in metal for jewelry, wrapping them, painting them, etc. One year later, they were still sitting on my shelf un-touched. Don’t let those items drag you down. Get rid of them to make room for new inspiration and new memories. If you haven’t used or needed it yet, chances are you won’t in the foreseeable future. And if you do, you can find a way to replace it! (see #3)
 
So once you’ve determined what you need to get rid of, where does it all go? Here are some practical methods I used to unload my crap, fast.

1. Craigslist

People will buy almost anything! Take good pictures, write a description that looks like you passed High School English, be real about the quality, and give a deadline. I’ve found that people are more likely to buy if they can text you and get a fast response. Good communication is key.

2. Facebook Buy/Sell/Trade groups

Look up buy/sell/trade in your area on Facebook. Chances are there is one near you. This takes (some) of the creepiness of online selling away, since there are presumably only people from your hometown in the group. I was able to schedule quite a few front door pick-ups. I sold a ton of my scrap fabric to a lady a couple weeks ago, and we ended up trading info about our businesses. Sometimes meeting random people can lead to an unexpected connection!

3. Donate, donate, donate!

I donated stuff. A LOT of stuff. Just pack it up in bags or boxes and try to keep it in categories. Only donate stuff that you think is usable. While you do this, think about the new life your object will have, serving someone in need. Rejoice in the good vibes!!

4. Recycle a whole bunch 

I cannot stress this enough. While getting rid of my stuff it hit me how much waste I as one single person have created. Frankly, it was shocking and it upset me. I don’t even use that many beauty products or single-use items, and yet there was just so much to toss! I recycled every scrap I could. For old bath/beauty products- wash them out and recycle. Take apart packaging. Shred and recycle old bills and school papers. When I sew I make lots of un-usable scraps- these I pack up to be used as stuffing. Look up what your local recycling center accepts. I used to have one large bin (kitchen sized) for trash and a small bin (office sized) for recycling. Now, the roles are switched and I recycled 80% of the waste I produce.
 
I hope all these tips will prove useful in your journey to a simpler, less materialistic life! Comment below on your favorite tip, and share your own! 
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5 Ways My Journey to a Nomadic Lifestyle Changed Me

8/21/2016

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By now you may have heard that in less than a month, I will be traveling to Istanbul, Turkey. There I will get TEFL certified to teach English. I also have big plans for working with the Syrian refugee population. In the wake of my decision to move, I knew I wanted to travel light. I started pretty late, but worked fast, and ended up getting rid of more than half of my belongings. The results of this change are greater than I could have ever anticipated.


1. I feel WAY calmer
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My room used to look like a hurricane hit it every-other month. Things didn't really have a specified place to go, and I was constantly trying to find things. Every morning I had to decide what outfit to wear. All these mini decisions coupled with my generally busy lifestyle made for a very stressed Lena. Even when my room was clean, by eyes would be distracted by all the possibilities of things to do. When I started getting rid of stuff, I instantly felt a sense of relief and calm. My room felt more Zen. I can now sit quietly without my eyes darting around at everything in my room. I don't have the anxiety of losing or finding things, because there isn't much around!

2. Going with the flow is easier than ever 

You know what has excited me the most about having almost no stuff? Being able to move anywhere, at anytime, very easily. Packing is probably the most dreaded thing about moving for most people. When living simply, all I need is to dump my stuff in a suitcase and I'm off! Change feels so easy now that my anxiety for it has eased. Opportunities are right around the corner, and I am mobile enough to take off running towards them.

3. Every moment is precious

When I first decided to move, the biggest emotional moment was thinking about leaving my loved ones. My siblings are still very young, and I hate the thought of missing their childhood. Just like everyone, I would let days pass by without spending meaningful time with them. I always had the excuse “I can see them anytime”. Now the days are numbered and I have a sense of urgency and sentiment. I stopped watching TV and indulging in other time-wasters. Objects and entertainment have been replaced by what matters most: people you love.

4. I've (somehow) become even less materialistic

For the past six years or so I have slowly transitioned to buying only second-hand objects unless absolutely necessary. Most of my clothes are what I've sewn or from thrift stores. I rarely spend a lot of money on a material object- I would prefer to spend it on an experience. Even so, I did find myself getting attached to certain things. When I started getting rid of stuff, I gave a lot of it to my siblings. In those moments I discovered that the real value of an object is the memories it creates, and those will stay with me. By passing them on they can bring about new memories instead of sitting useless in my closet.

5. I've become more thoughtful

Things are more clear cut. I only kept things I needed and that were important to my goals, like sketchbooks, a journal, and a case of my art/sewing supplies. Objects in my room are no longer battling for my attention. There are less things to aid in my procrastination, and less decisions to be made on a daily basis. My mind feels more clear, so I can get right to work when I get to my room. All this simplicity in my work space has left a lot of calm space in my brain for thought.  

What are some tips you can offer for someone reading this who is looking to downsize for the first time? What are some of the experiences you have had when it comes to living simply? Comment below and share this post with someone who would enjoy it! 
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Stop War/Start Peace Campaign 

8/2/2016

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War seems to be endless. There is always an enemy to be defeated. The cycle goes like this: American public is outraged by an occurrence, the Media does a blackout coverage of said occurrence, which makes the American citizens even more angry about it. Politicians say: "Let's wipe out the threat!" People agree enthusiastically. Trouble is, there is NO SUCH THING as war without innocent civilian causalities. The amount of senseless killing in the world is too much to fathom. Every horrific event a child witnesses brings them even closer to living a dysfunctional life that may lead them to drugs, crime, and violence. These troubled children of a lost generation may go on to cause more disturbances that could bring about a war. The cycle can't stop until we make it. As a global community we need to lead with compassion for EVERY human being. We must make conscious efforts to STOP WAR and take measurable steps to START PEACE.  ​
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Buy this T-shirt to raise awareness for injustice and provide assistance to refugees that have been affected by conflict worldwide!

Original graphic by Michigan based Syrian-American designer (yours truly!) ​

My family has suffered mass losses at the hands of the political war in Syria that is disguised as a Spring. Some of them were able to escape to Istanbul, Turkey and have built a new life there. They endured horrific circumstances to get there. The money will buy me a plane ticket to Turkey where I plan to teach English and help my family and other refugees as much as possible. 

Through a recent talk with my Aunt who is living in Istanbul, I discovered that there are a lot of Syrians living around her in that area. I asked if she knew any seamstresses, and she could name a few. This made my mind explode with possibilities!! Back when I first decided to go to Turkey I knew that I wanted to combine my fashion work with my travels in a way that benefits a humanitarian cause. How amazing would it be to bring work to these brave Syrian seamstresses?? 

Buy now
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The World is in Unison: Pale is Prettiest 

6/9/2016

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     Today I'd like to take a stab at approaching skin-color-hierarchy from a global perspective. 
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Interracial prejudice is real and thriving. I hesitate to even say “interracial”, because it isn't as much an issue of race as it is about color. I plan to write an entire separate article about that topic, because I feel there is so much to be said about it. As for prejudices within said communities, it seems the effects of colonization and slavery have stretched far and wide, bringing generations of skin-color-hierarchy with it. I've experienced this personally and witnessed it in nearly every aspect of my life, and across numerous cultures. It is so rampant, and frankly very, very sad.

My personal experiences tell me that this is not only a “people of color” problem. I've seen it happen with Black, Hispanic, Indian/Pakistani people as well as Japanese and Middle Eastern people. Generally speaking, Arabic people aren't described as people of color, except in Arabic-speaking countries in Africa, like Egypt. We have pretty fair complexions, just a hint of brown. Yet, even in countries that started off as literal deserts, where the sun was beating down on people and it would be a very bad thing to be fair-skinned, there is an undeniable preference for paleness. I experienced this in my dad's native country of Syria.

My three sisters and I all have different coloring. I have fairly pale skin with dark hair, the next one has my coloring with caramel skin, the next one is very pale with green eyes and mousy brown hair, and the last little girl, surprisingly, is blonde with blue eyes. My 16 year old sister and I are mistaken for twins all the time, but the rest of us look so different. I never realized that in fact, our individual coloring fall exactly on a beauty-ranking scale that was made long before we were born. It goes something like this:
  1. Most beautiful- Mariam, 9 years old, blonde, blue-eyed, fair. The ideal beauty.
  2. Second- Nadra, 13 years old, light-brown hair, green eyes, fair. Her skin and eyes are fair, but her hair is dark, considered less beautiful.
  3. Third- Lena, 22 years old, dark hair and eyes, pale skin. My skin is fair, but hair and eyes too dark. Considered slightly above average.
  4. Last- Fatima, 16 years old, dark hair and eyes, tan skin. A dark complexion means she is average and thus undesirable.
Reading this, it seams absolutely ridiculous, right?? One might say, “How can I judge the beauty of someone just by their coloring and not the whole picture?”That's exactly what I'd be thinking too.  Well, sadly, this is the culture. My mom, who is White/American, was shocked when people in Syria would rain more praise on the younger, fair girls than my “twin” and I. Before the civil war in Syria, we used to visit every summer. I have vivid childhood memories of my aunts using whitening salves, and painting on the equivalent of renaissance-style white face when they would go out. I remember showing my cousins a picture of Penelope Cruz, with her gorgeous dark eyes, hair, and caramel skin tone, and explaining what a beauty she was considered in America. They were genuinely confused. It's the culture.

When I lived in Japan from '04 to '08, I saw the same thing among the Japanese. They pretty much all have dark hair and eyes, so the feature of choice for discrimination was skin tone. Contrary to popular media's representation of Japanese people, they are not all pale-skinned. Around half of them have tan skin. These people feel compelled to use whitening salves too, just like in Syria. Anime characters are shown with pale skin, princesses and characters in plays painted their face in pure white pigment to signify beauty.

I went to middle school with a number of Indian and Pakistani people. One of my closest friends when I first moved back to Michigan was a smart and sarcastic Indian girl- I liked her almost instantly. She was on the darker side, but she had older sisters that were lighter colored. She recalled the same experiences as I had with being considered less beautiful because of her skin tone that I considered so gorgeous. It made my heart hurt.

Now, I'm working as a substitute teacher, so I get to be around kids from districts all over Michigan. I tend to find jobs in lower-income areas, and the vast majority of the students are black. I had a long discussion just yesterday with some high school students about the color hierarchy after one student wrote on the board “Light Skins Winning.” He proceeded to boast why light-skinned black guys are “prettier”, and called a fellow dark-skinned classmates ugly. He said it with such nonchalance and the dark-skinned students accepted his words as if they were the truth. This really lit a fire in me.
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As I teach, I hear these things on the daily. Guys and girls alike proclaiming that they only date light-skinned people. Calling fellow classmates ugly, stupid, and less than because of their tone. As I travel from school to school, district to district, this is one pattern that remains constant. It drives me crazy, because I know that this is such a deeply rooted and complicated mentality.

It's bad enough that there is discrimination of separate groups of people against each other, but this is on a whole other level. Groups of people are turning against each other in their own circles, scooping hate from the outskirts and dumping it in the center like some horrific typhoon. Back during segregation years, if a black person was light-skinned or mixed, they were discriminated against by white people AND black people. They weren't quite “black enough”, and definitely were not white. They didn't fit into either group, they were hated and treated badly. Now, I feel it is that same hate they experienced being projected outwards.

They say that when someone is hateful or critical of you, it is because of the things they hate in themselves. Its a vicious cycle. When we catch ourselves thinking hateful thoughts towards someone, we must stop and reflect on what is it within us that is causing it. Heal your own thoughts and tear down the color-hierarchy in your respective communities- that will bring us one giant step closer to stopping global colorism and discrimination.  
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Andro Street Collection 2016!

5/28/2016

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I am beyond excited to see the photographs from the runway this past May 22nd at Eastern Market. I am also really excited to share them. I'd love to hear your feedback. My photographer, Steven Wieckowski did an AMAZING job at capturing shots under difficult circumstances. The end of runways are so chaotic, so many photographers want their shot. When I first saw these what struck me most was that each shot had so much character. I really felt the person behind the image and the fashion clothes. And for me, who got to know my models a little bit during the course of the show, it means a lot. Each model had a different and interesting personality. One thing I love to advocate is showcasing your own individuality unapologetically. Maybe this is why I picked these models- they seemed super chill! Ha. Musta seen it in their faces.

I'll be posting more behind-the-scenes stories about sewing this collection, the interactions I had with the models, and the show itself. Also, stay tuned for an article I've been working on for a little bit- a cumulative one- all about how to ace your first runway show. Each experience teaches me invaluable information that no one told me before I got into this industry. I believe it's my duty to share it with people on their way in. Enjoy! 
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People Over Politics: Or, how a conservative and a liberal are best friends

4/22/2016

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PictureA lovely doodle of my best friend and I <3
The issue I would like to talk to you about is politics, and how it effects everyday relationships. Yes, I admit, I love a good debate. My friends reading this might be saying sarcastically, “Who...Lena? Talking about politics? NO WAY.” I'm pretty sure I get it from my dad, because it seems that like he is the first one to bring up politics at Thanksgiving dinner (yikes!) just like I'm always the first one to bring it up when hanging out with my group of friends. What is important here is the relationship between all the bullshit happening in the government, our stances on it, and how that plays a role in our friendships.

I like to follow my dad's lead. It's always entertaining to watch him start a heated debate. Our extended family is ridiculously diverse in color, religion, and of course, politics. We have people leaning far right, far left, middle-path, and people who simply distrust all forms of government. My dad will strike up a debate with all of them...all with a smile on his face and between bouts of booming laughter. It's lighthearted. He takes the issues seriously, and is very passionate and blunt in stating his opinions, but at the end of the day he respects his fellow people too much to be rude or dismissive towards them. This is what my approach to politics is like.

People before politics- that's my rule. My closest friend is black/Brazilian and a Republican. I am white /Syrian and a Democrat. We both have immense distaste for the two-party system, but she tends to lean conservative, and I tend to lean liberal. I am an avid supporter of Bernie Sanders, she voted for Cruz but would vote Trump if he was nominated. We couldn't be more different!! Admittedly, our debates over issues can get pretty heated- that is only natural, since we are both very passionate for our causes- but there is never any genuine anger. We respect and care for each other, and because of that we accept each-others differences of opinion, and focus on what we do agree on.

At the end of the day, isn't that how everyone's relationships should be? We are the citizens, the little people. The puppet show happening in Washington is so far away, and each individual candidate has far less power than we think. So while we rally behind our person and throw vicious hatred at the other team, the real politics is happening behind closed doors in other branches of government. It is our job to look past all the bullshit, and see people with compassion in our hearts and understanding in our minds. We must love and respect each other as fellow humans, regardless of how vast our differences may be. I have an example for this....

First we must understand that you are as sure of your beliefs as the person standing beside you. Think about that for a moment. Just as much as I believe gay marriage is rightfully legal, many people out there believe just as strongly that it shouldn't be. Everyone will have a list of reasons why they believe a certain thing, and that list comes from our past experiences and backgrounds. And since everyone has had hugely different experiences, isn't it expected that we don't agree? This realization helps me be more compassionate towards people. So the story goes, I find out that my closest friend supports Donald Trump. I totally freak out- “how could she do this? I just don't get it! He's racist, omg!!” That was my strong belief- that he is prejudiced. Over on her side of the story, “Bernie Sanders is a socialist! Socialism has no place in America!” See? Just as shocking of a statement.

We were both very firm in our beliefs, that much was clear. We took turns ranting about how wrong the other was till we had our fill. When it comes down to it, I know what she believes in and what her values are. I know how good of a person she is, and her political affiliation doesn't change that in any way shape or form. Our friendship is what matters, not the drama happening up top.

I invite everyone to implement this strategy in their own lives, and not just for politics but for all differences of opinion. This is a giant country filled with people who all have so much good to give. It would be such a shame to alienate and dismiss them just because you can't agree on one thing. Focus on the things you do agree on, find common ground, and lead on with love.  



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3 Reasons Why Hollywood Fails at Being Diverse

4/17/2016

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We'd all like to think that Hollywood reflects the diversity we see in our communities. There seem to be more people of color in movies and shows in leading roles. LGBT style families were made mainstream and approachable with shows like Modern Family. Female actors increasingly take on non-gender-stereotypical roles. Sadly, excluding the white-straight-male-type characters, most everyone else is either under-represented, or misrepresented. It's a given that people of different sexual orientations or genders and people of color are not shown enough on TV, however today I will focus on three ways Hollywood fails to satisfy when they do finally get their screen time.

By the way, my use of the word “Hollywood” refers to the media as a whole: Tv shows, movies, etc.

1. The Token Character: this type of character is thrown into a show/movie for the sole purpose of appearing to have a diverse cast.

The first type of failed attempt at diversity is something commonly known as the “Token Character,” for example, a “token black guy” or “token Asian woman”. The word token itself is a good indication as to why this type of representation is offensive. This type of character is made up for the sole purpose of attempting to have a diverse cast. They have no important roles in the show or movie, they may be in the background most of the time, or sometimes get a few seconds of highly-tokenized screen time. Its almost as if the network is saying, “Hey, look at us being all inclusive, we have this one Latina here!” If, among a sea of white people, one brown head stands out, that is a token character. Generally, this character feels out of context to the viewers. He or she has no friends or coworkers that look like them, they act like the people around them, but somehow they still can't blend in. Its extra offensive when they are devoid of any culture, because then they can be deemed as “safe” by their white counterparts. The inclusion of this type of character is an effort by the production to increase their viewer base by specific audience targeting. Also, in a world of political correctness, its something tossed in at the last minute to satisfy the masses. It is a lazy and ineffective way diversify the cast of their show.

2. Stereotypical Characters: these types of characters are very clearly defined walking stereotypes of their perspective race/gender/sexual orientation/religion and are often shown in groups.

The second type of failed attempt was one that was brought to my attention when I was in one of my classes at Eastern Michigan University. It was a reading class, and the teacher brought out a children's book and told us to observe the cover. On the cover was (very definitively) a white boy, an Indian girl, a Chinese boy, and a black boy in a wheel chair. On the surface, this may seem like the perfect picture of diverse representation- every kind of person had been shown! Or...had they? The problem here was that every child on that cover was so clearly defined as some type of person- the Chinese boy was pale faced with pointed eyes and a bowl cut, the white boy was smiling and blonde, the Indian girl was dressed in traditional garments with a bindi on her forehead and the black boy in the wheel chair sported an Afro and held a basketball (here, the teacher pointed out that the black kid was being used as a “two-fer” for being both black and disabled).

Where are the mixed-ethnicities and ethnically ambiguous characters? And possibly the most important question: why is each person shown defined so strenuously by their perspective stereotypes?

Not only are these individuals being defined by their stereotypes visually, they are also being shown as displaying those personality/mannerisms that have been attached to them. In the media, when these types of characters are shown in groups, the effect is even more harmful. For example, black men are often shown as violent gang members with a pack mentality, and tells the viewer that they are a monolith, while white men are portrayed as having their own thoughts and opinions. A similar picture can be painted with tens of bearded men yelling angrily in Arabic. Does the word “terrorists” come to mind? This is because of the relentless mental training we all unknowingly endure when watching media of any kind. This type of representation reinforces pre-existing stereotypes and clumps entire groups of people together. Stereotypes confine people they are aimed at, and close the minds of people who are exposed to them.

3. Recycled Characters
Last but not least are what I like to call “recycled characters”. There have been a sprinkling of debates these past couple years about things like comic book characters and iconic movie/TV show characters (Idris Alba for James Bond!!) being played by someone of a different ethnicity than the original. Specifically, I'd like to focus on what I now have come to define as a “cheap and lazy way to gain readers” by the comic giant Marvel. The two comic book roles that were switched up that caught my attention were that of Ms. Marvel and Captain America. Admittedly, when I first started reading about the new Ms. Marvel character, I was really excited. Not being a huge comic book buff myself (hey, manga!) I didn't know much about the original Ms. Marvel.

I did some googling, and wasn't surprised by the results. Of course, being a female comic book character (I say this with my voice dripping in sarcasm) she has completely unnatural body proportions- ginourmous boobs, a big butt, and a waist smaller than the circumference of her head (literally impossible, except I suppose if she took out a few ribs). Ms. Marvel had ruby red lips and long, thick blonde hair that fell down her back and framed her leotard-clad body. She was a typical all-American super hero chick.

The new Ms. Marvel was a boyishly shaped little brown girl with short hair. She is the daughter of Pakistani immigrants living in America and battling the line between her own conservative background and the world around her. Its almost like she was invented specifically for me to relate to! Except....that's exactly it, isn't it? Her story could be the narrative of any second generation immigrant, I am just one of many examples. Marvel clearly tried (kinda) hard to make readers feel like they could relate to their characters. However, if she is so real and likeable, why isn't she good enough to have her own original super hero identity? They simply recycled the name and powers of the old barbie doll character. That's where Marvel's efforts fall short, and my excitement for this character begins to fade.

The same story goes for new Captain America. The only differences between the new Captain America and the old one is his name and the color of his skin. The new character goes by the first name of Isaiah, which is a historically black name. His nose is wide, his lips are poofy, and his dark skin gleams. He is a caricature of a black man, like white Captain America in black-face. I can picture the Marvel conference room now...

Frantic assistant: “Sir! Our numbers show that the average rate of black boys reading our comics is falling!”


Head guy: “Hm...” *pulls out brown colored pencil, fills in Captain America* “Call him Isaiah, problem solved.”


I recognize that I mostly focused on race here, but there is so much content when it comes to women and LGBT issues in Hollywood that it will require a separate segment!

What are some of the other ways Hollywood and the media fail to represent diversity?

What types of characters would you like to see more of in shows and movies?  
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